areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
