I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
