No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
