Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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