im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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