Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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