direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
