if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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