what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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