dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
