They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
