at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
