So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
