Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
