If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
