hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
