I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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