I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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