i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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