I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
