Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
