Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
