Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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