at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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