yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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