You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she told me i tasted like america
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
