i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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