K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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