took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
