Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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