I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
