it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
