I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
