i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
