he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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