This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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