Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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