six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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