Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
