bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
