its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
