Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
