So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
