I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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