I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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