I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
