I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
