Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
