i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
