Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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