No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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